So it’s been well over a month since I last blogged here. Sorry to those of you who actually read this blog – which is maybe one or two of you – I doubt I was missed much.
I took a bit of a break..kind of like the TV shows do. Right when things start getting interesting and heating up and the drama begins the unfold…the shows go on hiatus and come back much later after a much awaited explanation for what happened last episode. This is similar to my life the past month or so. I guess I didn’t write because it’s hard to put into words. How do you explain changing from the inside out? How does one put into words something dying inside you and being reborn all at the same time. I haven’t yet figured it out for myself, but when I do – if that ever happens – I will let you all know.
I will leave you with the following thought which I had when I was driving today. Driving is when I do some of my best thinking, it allows me to analyze my life from a distant perspective almost. And this is what I realized today:
Everyone has their reasons for doing anything in life. At some point we have programmed our brains to believe that we’re so damn entitled to know what those reasons are. That’s just it – we are not privileged. We are not special. We’re just people. We have our demons. We have our problems. We carry out actions – all for certain reasons. Sometimes we don’t even understand what those reasons are at the time – so why in the hell would someone else truly think that we are obligated to explain our reasoning to them? Moral of the story? Keep your own damn reasons and I’ll keep mine.
Have you ever been awoken by a shiver? It startles your body and you gasp for air as you open your eyes. It’s such a weird feeling…for what at exact moment decided to wake your body so suddenly. At first you are in a daze, but within seconds you are wide awake.
I have always said that everything happens for a reason…and I believe that when things like that happen – it is because someone, somewhere in the world is thinking of us at that exact moment and they send a vibe out into the world and every so often those vibes connect with us and reach us. The mind and heart are a powerful thing.
So when you wake up in a panic and can’t get back to sleep…see it as someone out there loves you, is thinking about you..regardless of what happens from here on out – for that moment your body and the universe were perfectly aligned. Know your thoughts of goodness and positivity have the power to reach someone else.
Believe in that. When all hope is lost…please believe in that.
You are who you are,
Brilliantly Found (and awake)
When you’re happy, it feels like nothing can break you. You are untouchable and sadness seems like an unknown world.
When you are sad, it feels like nothing can save you. Happiness is just a feeling you’ve heard about in fairy tales.
Why does it have to be all or nothing? It shouldn’t have to be all smiles or all tears. When did it become unacceptable to go through a hardship and find laughter in the sun? People will look at you as if there is something wrong – for why is that girl smiling when all she feels is pain? Turn the tables and there are those who are horrified by the tears of another – for why is that girl crying when she’s been given the world?
I’m here to let you know that it is okay..whatever you feel. It’s okay to wake up smiling from ear to ear, and then go to bed that very night crying in shambles. This is what finding yourself is all about. Life is about finding a balance between your sad and your happy. Listen to your own emotions and feed whichever one you need to at the time. Everyone grieves differently. It we just stopped judging one another on how we deal with trauma and triumph..I really think the world could be a better and much safer place.
It’s no different than reading your favourite book. You get caught up in the storyline..in how you want the plot to end…you started believing in those characters. But that’s all it is..a story. It’s just a bunch of words strung together that are so nice to escape in for awhile..but they are just words. They aren’t actions, they aren’t real. They tug at your emotions, but at the end of the chapter..they are simply words. They aren’t the bitterness of a freezing winter’s day. They aren’t the warm embrace of a loved one. They aren’t an everlasting kiss you can still feel the next day. They aren’t the butterflies you get when someone stares into your soul. They aren’t an afternoon cuddling with tea and a big blanket. And they sure aren’t the heartache you feel when all you are left with are memories. There aren’t any memories because there wasn’t anything there. I know it may all feel like that…but in reality, they were just words. I think if we maybe just remembered that from time to time…we’d realize it was just like a really good book. It has a beginning, a middle, and a bittersweet end. And that is okay…because that’s what books are for. That’s what words are for. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
It’ll hit you like a ton of bricks..the numbness inside.
A week later and you’re still sitting here more lost and confused than ever…you have no answers and you have no explanation and all that’s left is you alone with your own imagination creating ideas and filling the gaps with excuses and make believe reasoning. Truth is, there is no explanation. There is no closure other than the fact that maybe that is the closure…there is none. You weren’t given an explanation because let’s be serious..nothing you could tell me at this point would suffice. I could counter every single word you could possibly come up with. The fact of the matter is – it sucks. It hurts and is more importantly..disappointing.
It’s tough not knowing. It’s tough being left alone to interpret the entire situation. It all seems like a blur at this point. All the days blend together to form a magnificent period of time in my life. But what do I have to show for it now except for a confused mind and a throbbing heart? I guess it wasn’t supposed to be easy.. I guess it was supposed to teach me something. Granted, I learned a lot but to be quite honest, a lesson wasn’t all I was looking for. But you knew that, and you still left anyways.
So I’ll carry on like I always do. You just gotta pick your shit and your heart off the floor don’t you dare stop moving. Don’t you for one more second let people get the best of you. You chose to give the best of you and he ripped it away like the selfish bastard he is. Keep doing your best anyways. They’ll expect you to give up and be crippled by this experience. I say surprise them… Figure it out. Use this as the propeller that guides your next adventure. Cause after all, that’s what this was…one hell of an adventure.
You are who you are,
It’s not about who you’ve known the longest. It’s not about who you’re closest too, in distance or the relationship sense. It’s not about your past, or even really about your future. It’s not about the flaws, or mistakes. It’s not about whether you live next door or if you live 10,000 miles away.
It’s about human nature. It’s about who has been there when the going gets tough. It’s about who causes you to feel. It’s about who can turn a really shitty day into a somewhat decent one with a few mere words and the thought of their genuinely huge heart. It’s about who makes the effort. It’s about honesty and vulnerability. It’s about taking chances and risks and believing in people. None of these things are remotely easy.
But that’s what life is about..finding those people and those moments who make life worthwhile. Hold onto those people, hold on to those things and those special moments and forget the rest. Tell them why they are special. Tell them how much you appreciate them and give them the pieces of you which they helped to grow. They need to hear how much they are wanted and needed just as much as you do. Don’t let others talk you out of what you want. People will always have their opinions. Let them…because they need that to survive. And just be thankful as hell that you have grown into the type of person who doesn’t need to rain on others parade just to feel your own sunshine. Share the beauty, share the love, find your happy and trust your gut.
You are who you are,
What if we all of a sudden decided to live in the here and now? What if all the planning and the organizing were just thrown out the window and we focused on the moment? How different our lives would be. We could learn to appreciate the little things, the big things, the constant swirl of beautiful confusion around us at the present time and deal with it accordingly.
Maybe we’re not meant to plan every little detail or have it all figured out. Maybe we’re just meant to go with the flow and be spontaneous and do whatever the hell we wanted. It wouldn’t be because we are acting irresponsibly, it would be because we are simply living. We are taking in the beauty and the power of possibility. Plans create restrictions. Stop creating barriers – oceans were built so we can cross them, not to keep us away from the majestic hope of tomorrow.
Believe in love. Believe in fate and serendipity and all of the wonderful things that occur by chance, by opportunity, by seizing the day. Stop worrying. Things will find their way eventually, and if they don’t..something else will change our mind, or our paths, or our hearts. Be open to those possibilities. Grab these opportunities while you have them. If you trap yourself in one mindset and one idea of how things are supposed to be..your life will remain mediocre. Take chances, and jump both feet first. Love with your whole heart and deal with the consequences later. Be mindful but open to free falling. Let life take its course and sit back and enjoy the ride..wherever it may take you ❤
You are who you are,