It’ll hit you like a ton of bricks..the numbness inside.

A week later and you’re still sitting here more lost and confused than ever…you have no answers and you have no explanation and all that’s left is you alone with your own imagination creating ideas and filling the gaps with excuses and make believe reasoning. Truth is, there is no explanation. There is no closure other than the fact that maybe that is the closure…there is none. You weren’t given an explanation because let’s be serious..nothing you could tell me at this point would suffice. I could counter every single word you could possibly come up with. The fact of the matter is – it sucks. It hurts and is more importantly..disappointing.

It’s tough not knowing. It’s tough being left alone to interpret the entire situation. It all seems like a blur at this point. All the days blend together to form a magnificent period of time in my life. But what do I have to show for it now except for a confused mind and a throbbing heart? I guess it wasn’t supposed to be easy.. I guess it was supposed to teach me something. Granted, I learned a lot but to be quite honest, a lesson wasn’t all I was looking for. But you knew that, and you still left anyways.

So I’ll carry on like I always do. You just gotta pick your shit and your heart off the floor don’t you dare stop moving. Don’t you for one more second let people get the best of you. You chose to give the best of you and he ripped it away like the selfish bastard he is. Keep doing your best anyways. They’ll expect you to give up and be crippled by this experience. I say surprise them… Figure it out. Use this as the propeller that guides your next adventure. Cause after all, that’s what this was…one hell of an adventure.

You are who you are,

Brilliantly Lost

If Time Stood Still

Do you ever wonder how different life would be if we have the power to make time stand still? We could slow down a moment, catch our breath, collect our thoughts, then proceed to live our lives. Sometimes things happen at whirlwind speed and you just want to scream “STOP”, but it doesn’t stop, it doesn’t slow, the world keeps on turning whether you’re ready for the ride or not.

The spinning never ends. You feel the need and want to stop for just a second, take a rest, put life on pause so you can make rational decisions, so you can process what’s happening, so you can plan what you will say…but the decisions become flawed, the process is familiarly confusing, and the words get spit out before our brains have time to realize what is going on.

Life will consume you. It’s anxiety provoking ways can push so heavily on your chest, restrict your breathing, and fog your judgement. Things either happen all at once, or nothing at all..there is no balance. They tell us to try and find our inner peace, but in order to do so we must quiet our minds and follow our hearts. Well our hearts don’t have brains and the beating of it is so loud it makes it heart to concentrate. Life will consume you, it will drown you and make you question which foot to put before the other.

Maybe if time stood still, we could stop running from the answers. We could stop running from ourselves and our demons. If time stood still, maybe the answer would become clear. Maybe the answer would be simply that there is no answer at all…

You are who you are,

Brilliantly Lost

Frustration hits.

You are so annoying. I know that’s nothing new, but every so often it hits me – you frustrate me like no other. For some reason you get under my skin and I can’t shake you. I wish I could, but I can’t.

You’re devious my dear, you have a way of expressing emotions without ever feeling vulnerable. You have a way of twisted words and moments and feelings so that the other person feels anguish. What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with me?
There are only so many excuses I can make for you.

Don’t tell me you’re jealous then not do anything about it. Don’t tell me that you still care and kiss me like you mean it when it doesn’t mean a thing to you at all. I resent you, and I resent myself for believing in you – believing that you’re anything other than a pompous asshole who will only put himself first.

Tell me I’m pretty. Tell me you’re proud of me. Follow through on your words for goodness sakes. I don’t get you. I don’t even think you get you. You’re living in some twisted fantasy of life and you don’t care who you hurt. One night doesn’t change things. I wish it could..but like I’ve always said it’s what happens when the movie moment is over. It would have made a great film, would’ve been a box office hit. But the crowd has cleared, the sun has risen and what now? Does anything change? I can’t keep having these movie moments with you and have nothing come from it. I just can’t. You’re gonna drive me away and I promise you that you will regret it. Everyone else can see it, so why are you so goddamn blind?

I’m sorry she hurt you, I’m sorry she shattered your world into a million pieces. But guess what, just because she ruined you does not mean that you get to terrorize everyone else in your path that cares about you. I shouldn’t have to suffer because you can’t get your shit together. If this is how you are going to act after a movie moment, I’d rather not have any moments with you at all. One day you’ll realize how fucked up all of this is…and when that day comes I will be gone.

You have to change you, I can’t do it for you. Open up, or get out. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

You are who you are,

Brilliantly Lost.