It’s really exhausting you know..being this sad all the time.
Sometimes you find yourself smiling, but like clockwork..the sadness creeps in and you realize it never left – it has always lingered.
It’s not even loneliness..that’s not what I would call it. It’s and overbearing sadness that washes over you and leaves your heart aching. You want to cry but no tears fall, because you are just so exhausted. You are so tired of being sad, you are so tired of hating yourself for being so sad, you are tired of it not getting better.
It feeling less heavy during the day for a few hours is NOT it getting better. It’s putting it off, not getting to the root of the problem. Depression is a wicked thing. It consumes you. Happiness doesn’t seem like a sunny day..happiness in an anxiety driven world looks like survival. If you get out of bed in the morning without crumbling to the ground…that is progress, that is what your happy day looks like. I’m tired of that. I want more. I want to be more and reach more and do more and just be someone who sees happiness as mountains and smiles and laughter and true body tingling happiness instead of this hell I’m living in now.
It’s exhausting getting through the day. Counting the minutes until it’s over. The obstacles never stop coming. The problems never cease. You can’t ever catch a break. They say to make the most of it..but really, the most isn’t much.
You are who you are,